'Forgiving a cheating spouse is the same as giving in to a bully -- and I learnt it the hard way'

Stomper Anonymous found out that her husband was cheating a few years back and chose to forgive him because of her children. However, she only felt worse when he was unremorseful.

She shares her real-life experience for this month's What Say You:

"I have learnt that it is pointless to forgive if someone had cheated on you. You may wonder why.

"Forgiving a cheating spouse is the same as giving in to a bully. The more you give in, the more daring and aggressive the bully gets. In the end, the cheated spouse will be the one to be hurt more than before. I have learnt it the hard way and I hope that if you have a cheating spouse, you will not end up like me.

"My ex-husband has been thinking of his ex-girlfriend for many years and I found out about this few years back. I chose to forgive him due to the children and I even chose to believe whatever excuses he had given. In the end, what do I get?

"I got angry at times because I was overwhelmed with hurt whenever I thought of his unfaithfulness or whenever he was comparing me with his ex-girlfriend (in his heart). Instead of comforting me or being remorseful, he drifted further into his fantasy world with her.

"I felt worse. I, the cheated spouse, did not even have the right to get angry.

"I had tried to stay on for the family, for the children but guess what? One day, he dropped a bombshell and said that he had enough and wanted his freedom.

"I have learnt that a marriage takes two to work. If a spouse had chosen to cheat, it would mean nothing to the cheating spouse, even if you tried to stay on for family sake.

"The cheating spouse will only find it more detestable to stay with the cheated spouse. Remember that once a spouse had chosen to stray, nothing you do can hold him/her back. You will find yourself back in the same position once again and in the end, the cheating spouse will still leave you."

Find out how you can share your thoughts on the topic here.

More About: