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Unsolicited "dick pics"... far too many people (particularly women) are familiar with the experience of receiving these. The last thing you need while sitting at lunch with your friends or even at a family reunion is definitely a random flashing you never asked for.
Yup...nothing quite ruins the vibes and makes everything so awkward...
According to Distractify, we have a new hero to the rescue. A UK woman named Sarah-Louise Jordan, has drafted an epic letter of rejection to those pesky penis pictures, and ya'll are going to love this.
And we can't thank Jordan's friend, Twitter user @maellevie, for sharing this masterpiece to the world. Thank you so much Jordan!
I AM CRYING !! This is BY FAR the best response to dick pics I have ever read.
Thank you Sarah-Louise Jordan. pic.twitter.com/wvE7MABMAz
— Maelle & Diction (@maellevie) October 23, 2016
Here's what the letter reads:
THANK YOU FOR THE UNEXPECTED AND UNSOLICITED SUBMISSION OF YOUR PENIS PORTRAIT FOR OUR CONSIDERATION.
WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT IT HAS FAILED TO PASS OUR MOST BASIC STANDARDS OF QUALITY CONTROL AT THIS TIME.
HOWEVER, FOR A NOMINAL FEE WE CAN OFFER YOU A REPORT THAT WILL HELP YOU TO CHANGE THAT.
THE A4 REPORT, PROVIDED VIA POSTAL SERVICE, WILL INCLUDE PERSONALISED BOOKLETS THAT COVER THE FOLLOWING:
-WHY GENITALS ARE NOT AN ACCEPTABLE CONVERSATION OPENER (A STEP BY STEP GUIDE TO SAYING HELLO)
-HOW TO APPEAR AS THOUGH YOU WEREN'T RAISED BY WOLVES
-BETTER WAYS TO DEAL WITH YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
-HOW TO DRESS YOUR PENIS FOR SOCIAL MEDIA (A ROUGH GUIDE TO PANTS)
-PENIS-READING: A NEW FORM OF PALMISTRY THAT MAY HELP YOU UNLOCK THE KEY TO YOUR FUTURE
WE WILL ALSO ANSWER QUESTIONS YOU MIGHT HAVE SUCH AS
-DO I HAVE TOO MUCH TIME ON MY HANDS?
-WHY DID MY PENIS FAIL BASIC STANDARDS OF QUALITY CONTROL
(NOTE THE NUMBER ONE REASON FOR THIS OCCURRING IS THAT IT IS ATTACHED TO A BIGGER DICK THAN ITSELF. )
FINALLY, AS A GESTURE OF GOODWILL WE INTEND TO OFFER TWO FREE SAMPLES WITH ALL OF YOUR FUTURE PENIS PORTAIT SUBMISSIONS:
AN INVENTIVE CRITIQUE OF YOUR PRIDE & JOY
A SURPRISE CONSULTATION WITH YOUR CLOSEST AVAILABLE FAMILY MEMBER ABOUT YOUR PORTFOLIO.
WE TRUST THIS EXCITING OFFER IS ACCEPTABLE AND LOOK FORWARD TO WORKING WITH YOU IN THE NEAR FUTURE.
And evidently many people go through the traumatising experience of receiving unwanted dick pics because this life-changing letter was re-tweeted nearly 3,000 times.
Everyone on Twitter was so amazed by Jordan's way of words, some even wanted to pass on the letter to future generations.
Could this be the future of dick pic rejections?